When parents divorce, they typically share parenting rights and responsibilities. They work out physical custody (how the child divides their time between parents) and legal custody. Legal custody refers to who makes important decisions for the child on things like education, medical care and religious training.
Generally, when parents share physical custody of a child, they also share legal custody. Often, they agree to consult each other and work out mutually agreeable decisions on all these important elements of a child’s upbringing. In some cases, parents will divide the decision-making responsibilities, but that’s not as common.
Disagreements on schools can begin long before college
One of the biggest sources of conflict can be over where a child goes to school. Long before they have to help their child decide on a college, co-parents may disagree on elementary, middle or high schools.
If neither of the parents moves very far when they divorce, it’s typically best to keep kids in their current school to minimize upheaval to their lives. However, when it’s time to move on to the next stage of education, like high school, or even if a child is just starting elementary school, parents may have different opinions over whether it’s worth the money to enroll them in a private, religious-based school or specialized school (like a performing arts or technical high school).
Where a child attends school, if they have a choice, can be a difficult decision for any parents. However, when they’re no longer together, agreeing can be even more challenging.
Key considerations
When making the decision, parents need to focus on what’s in their child’s best interests. It helps to have a shared vision of what the child should get out of their education. Is getting into a good college the ultimate goal? Is attending a school that focuses on particular religious teachings important? Does the child have a talent they want to pursue?
Certainly, there are practical considerations like price and distance from one or both parents’ homes. The child’s wishes and goals, depending on their age, should also be considered.
If co-parents can’t reach a decision, it can be wise to use mediation and/or bring in a co-parenting specialist to get a third party’s input and guidance. A change in a child’s school may also warrant changes in the parenting plan and custody and support orders. Speaking with skilled legal advisors can help you understand what is possible in a custody agreement and how to navigate difficult decisions as co-parents.